First you are a child of God!
If you do not know who you are, you are letting other people tell you who you are. You are letting others define and sculpt and make you into who they want you to be.
This is not always done consciously.
I recently have decided that I am trying to learn who I am. Call it a mid-life crisis, hope this not my mid life point, but however it is my crisis of self.
Back story, I was in a really bad relationship got pregnant. Further back story, I never loved myself or planned a future for myself.
So then I had to plan a future not just for me, but for this baby. So I turn to God!! He saves me and places people in my life to love and support me. He gives me the courage to leave my ugly abusive relationship.
I find myself in a new relationship with an awesome man who not only loves me but my son as well. So grateful!
I hated who I used to be, so I threw it all away, threw it all down the drain, every little bit of who I used to be. Every little bit!
So these new people, things and jobs defined me. I was completely starting over. Every compliment I got I grew with that, also every insult or criticism I shrunk with that.
Fast forward nine years with a new addition (little girl). It brings me to terms with the challenges of my past. I helps me remember who I was is still part of who I am.
God is helping me remember things I used to like about myself. He is helping me like Myself! He helping me become someone to like.
I let myself go for years, I didn’t deserve to be happy, I didn’t deserve all the blessings I had received in spite of the life I used to live. I made myself miserable.
I had and have everything I could possibly want to make happy and content and loving. But I was missing the key aspect, loving myself.
How can I give love when I am empty? I have people who love me, but I am still torturing myself from past, I still have not forgiven myself.
So when I got married I threw all I was out the window to be become a completely brand new me. Trying to shape myself into some who could be loved. But I forgot to bring me.
My husband is a saint for keeping me and loving me with all my self struggles. He has always said that I was a diamond in rough. He would see the glimmers of love I had through my growth of tough skin, he could see the sparkle in my sarcastic smile, he could see the warmth of my cold heart.
Now I can finally see those things too. I thank God that he placed this man in my life to love me before I could. I thank God that he placed this man in my life to believe in me before I could.
He has helped me crack this shell, polish the charcoal of my heart and soul. He has helped me love myself enough to be able to have the drive and passion to love and hope to help others love themselves.
But also I am remembering that who I used to be was not all bad, I have always been a child of God, I just may not of always known it. I am not my past or mistakes, but I will keep them to learn from them and I will share them for others to learn from. I will not hide from them anymore.
Like it or not!.! 😉
Well that’s a good read ! I think half the world has those feelings and that why they fill the voids with food , anger shopping alcohol drugs and yes cleaning disorders! Tell it girl!!