What people think of you is none of your business.

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A country song I like has a verse that says, “if your minding your own business, you won’t be minding mine.”

That may be harsh. But is that not true? We spend so much time looking at other people’s lives, often so we don’t have to look at our own.

When you make your life so busy that you don’t have to notice the things you don’t like. Many people join extra activities for their children just to avoid going home.  A lot of them I know to be military spouses, and I can only assume that it passes time quicker when the family stays busy while their spouse is deployed. And I don’t find anything wrong with that.

My issue is when we can’t look in the mirror but can look around with a magnifying glass at everyone else. Trying to help and solve other people’s problems to only avoid our own, that is a problem.

Recently, I have made my life insanely busy, to only find out that I was too busy, to do my job. My job to be a mother, wife and daughter of Christ. So that I neglected all of these duties, just to partially aid others, or just to join in groups where all I got out of it, was to go home feeler smaller. I would compare myself to others, try to do more to fit in, try to change my way of doing things, so that I could fit in.  And let me tell you, I am not in high school, I have children in high school. No… You mean peer pressure, and insecurities hit when you are an adult. YES! Shocking I know. No.. it’s not shocking at all.

But my point of this is to tell you, the way other people feel about you, IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. What goes on in other people’s minds is none of our business, even if people say things out loud, it is none of our business.  Even people who mean well with unsolicited advice.

This is hard to grasp. I have heard this before and never fully understood it. But finally I do. I repeatedly have to learn things the hard way, this was another lesson.

The only people we should please is God of course, but our immediate family, our spouses, and children have to come first. Also you have to do things for your self, when you feel good it is easy to make others feel good. But if you are unhappy it is hard to make others happy.

 

Why does the truth offend people?

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Most of the time you avoid hearing the truth by simply not asking the question. “Well you asked” is the general response, when you hear something you really didn’t want to. Most of the time, we as selfish, self centered individuals ask the questions, not to hear the truth but, to make ourselves feel better.

Is this what is also happening to our history books. Well if no one asks the hard questions, we can just rewrite what happened. Instead of asking why, people are just hearing what and basing their own conclusions, instead of learning the facts.  Yes some horrible things in history has happened, and oh boy there are plenty more to come. But for us to tare statues down, does not make those things disappear, just less people to ask the why questions. Now when people stop remembering and stop being upset by past things, we dumb humans let them happen all over again. (Yes I am purposing trying to offend everyone).

Just to clarify, destroying inanimate objects does not change anything. Just makes people look like crazy idiots who are lacking attention, that they should be getting else where.

If you really want to change something, change you! The only thing we can change is ourselves. If you don’t like how something in the past happened, control how you react or make a cause to have it not happen again.

But to fight racism, by using racism, is the stupidest thing imaginable. To tare down pieces of history is deplorably insane. Good or bad history, it is history.  Also, even better it is “HIS- story”.

How are we to know how far we’ve come when we don’t know where we came from?

Now a lot of issues and things I think are going backwards. A LOT! but I will act like a decent human being and not criticize or demean you or your loved ones. If you completely disagree with me, that is fine, but please don’t tear me down physically, just mentally will be sufficient.

Thank you for letting me rant.

 

Glory

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Waiting. Waiting for something to come in my head. Clear the clutter of my thoughts.

And look around and see what I have sought.

My life has started to come and stick together.

How grateful I am to know that it is true in any weather.

When life gets hard and you feel as if you failing

Do not stop, run faster and make like your arms are flailing

You can either fall in the despair of the hole underneath you

Or be lifted above it by the One who beseeches for you

Please have strength with enough to share, please take the time to care

for others around you, this life is so short when compared to forever

Look up and around you to see the marvels and to see just how clever

the Creator of this world is, and just how special we all are.

Take nothing to personal, each person has scars, and you know the truth is never to far

which is usually not from a person, but always from the good book

Any time their is quiet, to find peace, all it will take is one look

You chose your life, you chose your destiny, please have your eyes wide open

even the hardest people have been known to soften

there is never a, too late, there is always another chance but do not waste too much time

for when this life is over the punishment will surely fit the crime

there are no excuses or reasoning at the end of the line, only what you lived out

So hear me tell you, Jesus is Lord, all my days I will shout

please don’t live selfishly, please give yourself to others,

for the truth of the matter, is that we all are sisters and brothers.

 

 

 

Live Like You Are Dying

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What does this even mean? Well to me it is the stupidest most senseless thing you could say or tell anyone. Even if you are, do you really want to rush it?

What this also means is live your life like you are constant vacation. Which I have done for many years. Eat every meal like it is thanksgiving. Or better yet like it’s your last.

How stupid. Oh wait you’ve always wanted to jump out of a plane, well go do it! Which I have, very exhilarating. But how stupid! But I would do it again.

I am so fed up with this analogy that lets everyone do anything they want, without having to think of the consequences, what, why? because they are going to die anyway. Well news flash we all are going to. Does that mean you are in hurry to get there. Being a Christian I am kinda sorta am in a hurry. But not really I have kids and a great husband. I want to spend every second I can with them. So why did I wait until I was over thirty to finally take care of myself? Because I didn’t care before. I was enjoying every moment recklessly and really not enjoying much of it at all.

I think you should live like you want to live forever, that way your bodies can handle it. I am not saying, no fun, but I am saying, would you want someone you love to do that? Think about your life that way. Would you want a loved one to live the way you are?

I am recently battling a huge parent fail, that I have created myself. My son who is almost nine detests fruits and vegetables. He will eat corn on the cob, he eats spaghetti with the hidden veggies and drinks orange juice. These are about the extent of it. He has always been really active so I haven’t seen any physical side effects. He is still healthy looking, but has become less active, also another parent fail.

But recently I have been trying to take my health back. and i can’t get him on the bandwagon.  I need help………….

And just for the record I do like this country song.

We will not be shaken

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Our lives, we live them like we are in control. We think we can make a difference. Or worse we think why bother why even try, it is what it is.

How many times have you heard that? It is what it is? And it seems like it will stay that way.

Well, however much credit we do or don’t give ourselves, it is all in vain.

The only thing we seem to be able to control is what comes in or out of our mouths. And those are the two things I struggle the most with. Over eating and over talking.

We are little ants, sorry for those who think more of themselves. But really we are teeny tiny, we are the little pieces of a much bigger puzzle. But do not let that news get you down. Could you really accept and do justice with a bigger role? I know I couldn’t, I blow my little plan every single day in some way. Whether I sleep too long and miss my morning walk (time with God and friend) eat too much sugar or bread, or loose my patience with my kids. Plus many other ways.

We are all human and make many mistakes, but we are suppose to be. We are not suppose to be perfect, but that is not an excuse to not try, try to be better than you are. Do not try to be better than others. Be better than yourself, the self you were 10 years ago, last month, and even yesterday. We need to be hard working, self improving, striving for excellence little ants.

The next time you have an issue with someone, remember they are just an ant. Don’t say it, but remember they are no bigger or smaller than you. And their opinion is not the one that matters.

When we know who we are, and where we are going, the rest of it does not matter. The little disagreements, past mistakes, I urge you to let them go. We should not be shaken, we know the end of the story.

“Whether I Sink or whether I swim, makes no difference to me, I am beautifully over my head”. Jess Johnson

Will Power (what is that?)

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I realized today that I don’t have a theme or journey or anything day to day type blog. I just write or type when I feel compelled or lead to.

After thinking about it and going back to read my older posts, I can see a maturity growing. So I think that this blog is diagramming my writing and Christian maturity.

See now, as all stories go, well the ones with happy endings, the one’s who know that they have the happy ending, they have to have some bad bits too. If your whole life is cake and then you can actually eat the cake without getting fat, well you have no idea how lucky you are and most likely take it so far for granted that it would make other people sick.

On the other hand when you walk through the ruff and fire and come out still in one piece you can truly appreciate the good and happy ending.

Now I am not saying that being saved later in life makes you more of a christian, I am just saying when you live half your life really truly believing that you will rot in a wooden casket six feet under ground getting chewed through by bugs. Not a pretty picture. But when you can wake up one day and say no that won’t be me. Maybe my human body but not me, the part that really makes me me. That part is not my skin, my weight, my eye color, my crooked teeth. My soul is me. The never ending me. The last forever live in heaven me. So thankful for that.

So even though we should take care of ourselves, our bodies are not the most important. When we take care of our souls, I truly believe the rest can follow, if we so desire. The best quote I’ve heard was “not to rely on self will- power but to rely on God’s power.” That is from the Daniel Plan book, haven’t read the whole thing, but I think that may just be the best line in it. Because it is the truth, by ourselves nothing is possible, but with God anything is possible. Yes, thank you for that truth.

I am praying AND begging God to take the power, oh how do I wish He would just take my will away and give me a map, how many heartaches and mistakes could I of avoided if He worked that way. But He doesn’t, but He will guide us, if we take the time to ask Him.

 

Cases

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Why do people buy cases? for protection. Cases for cameras and sewing machines. Because they are expensive and we want to protect them. But I don’t know if your like me when I put things in a case to keep them safe I stop using them. I put them up on a high shelf or in a cabinet so no one can damage them. But then I forget I have them. 

Well this is true for hearts too. How many times has it been broken, how many times has it hurt. our hearts our very precious to us so we protect them. Put it in a case. One with a lock and key. And then grow bitter and forget we have one.

That is what happened to me. I had heart break after heart break. Not just boys, but deeper than that. So I put my heart on a self way up high so I couldn’t even reach it. I forgot about the softness it holds and the joy of just enjoying loving. 

I have been married and have children and I am just starting to be able to reach mine again. finally I am losing that case of protection and I love it. To be able to feel and smile and not hold back just because of the rejection I have faced over my life.  I have been hurt so many times that I blocked myself and put up a fortress of walls, even to my husband and kids. They got more than the rest. But now I am finding joy in letting others in too. 

I thought I was just that type of person, you know, made bitter and unsocial. But when I look back I never was as a kid I was so out going and happy but then I changed. I let other people tell me who I was. I was ugly and trash and I started to believe it. 

Now with God’s help my prayers are being answered. I want to love people like Christ does. I can feel my heart opening.  Thank you Jesus! 

Glory (A work in progress)

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The purpose of your life. The purpose of mine. The purpose of this whole earth and everyone and everything on it, is to bring God glory.

I heard a man speak, Wayne Sneed, he visited our church yesterday, that is what he taught us. Of course I have heard this, in pieces before, but this was the first time I actually heard and swallowed the message.

I spent many years running from God, claiming ignorance, if I don’t know I can’t be held accountable. .  I thought to say yes I know your there, God, I know Jesus is your son and came and died for my sins, and rose again. Ok I know all this , now I am golden. I can repent when I get to far off track, and I’ll be forgiven and start again tomorrow.

I had someone I highly respect tell me, yes these are true facts to be saved, but the devil knows these to. So what makes me different, even me the immature in Christ christian knows that to have the same simple thoughts as satan, is not something I want to do.

So what do you do to make yourself different. Well, time is key, you have to mature slowly (maybe not as slow as me). To feel sorrow when you sin, to know when you are doing it, and for that to feel painful. It finally feels painful, so I know I am growing up in Christ. Yes, I am already an adult, but spiritually I am a young child.

So my advice to you and I, is to read the Bible. To get to know the God we are serving. And to also serve. I also suggest to serve humbly, or you will be humbled.

Last note, If we do everything we can and do not love each other, it is all in vain. Start in your house with love, give it all to them and then when it pours out, spread it out more. But do not give all your love to others and come home empty.  (I am working on this.)

When the stars do not align

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God is giving us a way out. When your life gets complicated, or endless mountains of things to do, your doing something wrong. When God means for something to happen it happens.

Why are we so foolish to waste precious time and energy trying to have God see it our way?  But look God, I could do it, even though You don’t want me to, See I really can…. Then He will show you… He will  at first gently tug at you, the stubborn fool doesn’t listen. He will show you by using things in your life, He will mess with your sleep, He will make you uncomfortable. Until you listen. The sooner the better.

But our God is so gracious that He will always give us a way out. You think you have committed to something, but that confirmation email never came, and you find out that it never went through. WOW thank you God.

Feeling stuck somewhere you know God does not want you to be?  Well don’t, start looking for your emergency exit, because I promise you, that there is one.

Semi-Gloss

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How are you? Good? That’s great, happy to hear.

How am I? Well I should answer with good. I should answer with great, blessed, and happy beyond measure.

Those are true and correct but yet not quite how I feel.  When people ask you how you are, you mostly answer with gloss, maybe the way you wished you were or maybe how you think you should be.

I have a wonderful family, I have everything I have ever wanted, I have much more than I need. But still I am not satisfied. I feel a longing, I feel like something is missing, like I need more…  More of what? Well I can answer that with my long past of trial of error. I can tell you all the things it is not. It is not more money, it is not more books, it is not more stuff( that is for sure). It is not more children (though they are a blessing).

The answer is more of God! I am a christian, an acting one as well, have been for several years. But yet I still feel dissatisfied.  I know that Jesus saved me and that I have a better place to be, but yet I live like this is where I collect my treasure. I have been living trying to cling and hold my treasures.

New phone, iPad, computer. Bookshelves full, nice car, wonderful kids, hardworking good looking husband. I have these.

Inner peace, complete and utter joy, feeling of fulfillment, love pouring out. These I do not.

Now the hard truth. We gloss over our lives, we are like paint, flat is boring, glossy is too fake, we all want to be semi-gloss. Just the right amount of shine, the shine that is believable even to our selves. We can trick ourselves to think we have it. We know we should, so we act accordingly.

I have no reason to be unhappy, an unhappy christian.? how is that even possible.? It is, it is called a selfish christian, such a thing should not be possible.

Being selfish with God, he created me, he knows what I am to accomplish. But I don”t seem to care, I keep running and trying to take charge of my life, like I hold the reins, like I can really make a difference by myself, without him. No…

I’ve been doing this dance for many years. I have everything I could possible imagine and blessed beyond measure, but yet I still have a hole.

How to make myself Whole and fill the hole. Well this is a start. Rebuking, finding my sin that is keeping me from God. My idols, the things I can hold in my hands and spend more time with them than with the One who gave me life and my children’s’ lives, and all these material possessions.

People are idols too. Having a great day and run into a snag or argument, or even into someone having a bad day. Then all of a sudden even though their day or mood has nothing to do with you, you take it on like, you created it for them. Letting someone control the way you feel, letting them take away a smile, letting them take away your good mood, and replacing it with sourness, that’s the devils work. Don’t do it for him.

I write this out loud, and pray that this will help me heal my issues. I only share this to try to help someone else trying to figure this out for themselves.

There is only one way to fill the hole. That hole was put there for that exact reason, but to often than not we have to fill it with all the things it wasn’t made for before we can find Who it was made for. So please do not be has stubborn or hard headed as I, just let God fill it to start, and save yourself some trouble.