How do you teach this? How can you teach your daughter or sons that they are worth more than this world has to offer.  I pray that I do them justice to know their worth, and that they are loved.

I really wish I had been taught or the little I was taught I wish I would have believed it. I can now look back and see if I had only known that I was worth something, I would have had a completely different life.

It has taken me 30 years to finally feel worth it. To finally know that I am special, to know that I deserve to be happy and treated with respect. To know that my children could face some of the same troubles and temptation and tests in life that I so miserably failed scares me to death.

I didn’t feel pretty, never… Still fight with this one.

I didn’t feel special, I always thought I was ordinary well even less than that.

I suffered deeply with depression for many years. Too scared for suicide I chose the slow long-suffering way. I even made it seem fun, to pump my body full of toxins, and strangers, and take stupid reckless risks hoping I could prove to myself that I was not meant to be….

Yet here I am. 32 finally feeling like life is worth it… That I am worth it.

I use this story as my testimony. My testimony that there are far better things out there. If anyone has any doubts about their own lives or feel ordinary.

Please know that you are not ordinary, you are perfectly and fearfully made by God. This sadness in your soul is not your life story, It is something trying to pull down trying to recruit to bad side, trying to make someone feel unloved is their job. God can not make you go to Him, He has given us free will, that I personally took for granted and free willed myself away from him for 26 years. I am living breathing proof that He is real.

I live in a small town, I have lived in this small town since I was a young child. I have made all of my bad decisions in this same small town. I run into people from my past on a weekly basis. I have to face them, I have to relive all of my poor choices. But what I take away is how blessed I have become. Even I, after all my foolishness, am still loved and forgiven. For these people who I come into contact, that is what I hope they can see. That I am changed for the better, Thanks to God. Nothing I could have done on my own.