How well do we really know each other?

I often wonder about this. In church everyone is always on their best behavior, well at least I am. I do not yell or scream at my kids in the middle of the service, I nicely smile and whisper to them “do we need to go to the bathroom to chat?” I also do not wear my sweat pants, and comfy clothes, the lack of getting ready I do on a daily basis may surprise others (or not). I smile, and sing, and shake hands and pretend to remember everyone’s names.
Even the grocery store I am normally more put together, well at least I think I am.

How many other people are another version of themselves when they are in public?

In church I am who I wish I could be every day.
But outside more times than not, I lose my cool. I am a work in progress, noticing my faults and not pushing them aside, step number one. Addressing them is step number two. This is what step I am on. Right now I am trying to cool it on my temper. I am also trying to work on my lack of patience, boy that’s a really tough one. I know I have many more faults than this, but these are two I feel are the most important right now, and I do not want to ruin my self esteem by pointing too many out at once.

Praise God!

There I said it. I said it loud and I meant it. I have spent too much of my time as a Christian worrying about offending others about my faith. Almost hiding it from others, for fear of their remarks or fear of hurting their feelings. I have been a quiet Christian, in fear of being a pushy Christian. I have finally learned, I think, how to live in the middle.

Let’s take my 5 year old son. I would spend almost every night trying to read him Bible stories for boys, or kid’s first Bible type books, and he hated it. He would pick fun bright colored books with funny stories. I finally let up.

Since I am really going on two years of being what I had thought I was a “real” Christian, this is all fairly new to him as well. I will start by saying that I was pushing extra hard for my son to accept God and learn really quickly, for they say your children are your pay back, and boy am I in for some pay back, but mostly I just want my son to not have to live a life of unknowing. Anyways back to what I figured out, after stopping trying to be pushy with him, even though he is 5 this was a valuable lesson for me on how to approach others about this sensitive subject.

Recently we started listening to K Love on the radio, and we talk more about it home as a family. But after spending all the time at church trying to get him to look through his picture Bible and read it that way, he would of course make a scene, fight me and say no. Well I laid off, thinking well he is too young and that it is pointless. So this last Sunday I didn’t mention it, we brought his Bible seeing that it was routine. He sat still, he flipped through each page, then he tapped my shoulder and said  “mom, why is Jesus walking on water” of course my heart smiles, but I won’t let him see that, I reply “Jesus was powerful, He is the Son of God, He can do anything” he see’s that a man is standing in the water, and says “so Jesus is going to save that guy”, I say “yes, Jesus is a nice guy”, he smiles and keeps flipping pages. Then we are singing a song or two, and my son pulls my arm and says, on the page where a woman is rubbing Jesus’s feet with oil, “the people were nice to Him too?” I said “yes”, so he smiles and goes back to flipping pages, then my son pulls on my arm, I turn, and there are tears in his eyes, and he says “Mommy, why are they being mean to Jesus?” he was on the page were they convicting him and the next page showed the cross, this is a children’s Bible so nothing graphic, but he got the point, I said “yes dear, those people were mean to him, they didn’t believe that Jesus came from God, and killed him for it.” So he is crying by now, not loud sobbing, so I sit back down and I thank Jesus for coming back alive, not only for the sins of the world, but so I can give my son a reason to smile at that moment, I flip a few pages and then it showed Jesus walking around again, so gratefully I say “but, He came back life, since He did come God, and He got to prove all the mean guys’ wrong, Isn’t that amazing?”, oh man I can not explain how big my heart was smiling when my son’s face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear, and wiped away the tears.

So learning from my experience, even with children we can not force anyone to Believe, we have to plant the seed and let in grow inside of them. We can not do God’s job, we can only do our own. I have been a quiet Christian, and now I feel so grateful for my own son’s heart and soul, that I have decided to not be a quiet Christian. I want to be a loud one, but then again I do not want to be pushy, for that too often than most will push people right out of the way.

What I found, that I believe is my own answer, is to be a proud, and public Christian, let everyone know, but not try to talk it death around people who are obviously not listening. I want to be an example, I want others to see Christ through me. With this said I have been working on my bad attitudes, thanks to Joyce Meyer. I only hope and pray that I can live up to this wonderful task.
PRAISE GOD!
Thank you for letting me share.

A girl’s Girl Guide

A girl’s Girl Guide…

Be confident. Confidence is attractive.

Be respectful. Have respect for yourself and others.

Take life serious. Do not take yourself too serious. Know that what you do today can affect tomorrow, no matter how small.

Please have a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself not at others. Laugh with people not at them. Girls do not tell dirty jokes.

Set goals, and know that they are achievable. If you do not think they are attainable then why would you bother? If you do not believe in yourself no one else will.

Learn from your mistakes. Yes, you will make mistakes. Take them for what they are life lessons. Some will be big and some will be small, but learn from them and move on. Try not to dwell on them, and learn so they do not have to be repeated. You have to own them so they do not own you, and if you hurt someone then you need to apologize.

Keep a journal. Everyone should, it will be entertaining one day. It will help you see growth in yourself, or it will let you see if you are too concerned about one thing or person.

Have true friends. To have a few true friends is better than to have many fake ones. Be a leader not be a follower. Have real life friendships. Find friends that you want to be like. You are only as good as the company you keep, and guilty by association is a real thing.

Never let yourself be attracted to jerks, they might be funny when they are being jerky to others, but your day will come when he is a jerk to you.

Stay away from bad boys, they may look mysterious and in need of saving, wake up that’s not your job. Bad boys are bad news, they like a good girl until they don’t, then you are boring. Never even think of trying to be bad with them, they will leave you for the next “good” girl.

Do not date older guys until you are older. They may look like they have their life together but most are still immature and if they happen to be mature than you will be the immature one in the relationship. My advice is be at least 25 to date five or more years older.

Be yourself and you will only attract those who like you for you!

Most importantly the last point, have a relationship with God. If you do not have a full-fledged relationship already you should get one. If you are skeptical, keep God in your mind. He will show you He is there if you have an open mind.

 

Thank you for letting me share I hope this is helpful. 

Sneak. .

So now she confided in the one she knew would tell. Oh goodness and how did she finally get the attention that she had been struggling to get. She was sent off to rehab for a short few week stay. Wow did it feel comfortable, you would think maybe it would scare her and she would want to straighten out. How is this the first time in her life that she could be surrounded by others who understood her? She made so many fast friends, none lasting but, she felt happy and content.
Then they would have visiting days when family would come with the bells and whistles and the broken apologies. “How did we not know?” they asked. Which she could not answer, because she had the same question.

So…???

So I have this great idea that I will write a book. I want to write a book about some things that I have been through to help others know the outcome without having to go through the obstacles. I am noticing that I need to get on the ball. I know someone personally that may be going through some similar things, but yet I do not know how to reach out. Would it be considered overstepping?

I am feeling really drawn to completely it, but I am having the hardest time starting it (go figure). There are so many things to consider: feelings, names, fact/fiction, length, and mostly where to start in my story. Should I go back to childhood to maybe connect some dots to see where I felt compelled to get self destructive or start bam in the middle. There is a book I really like call “Go Ask Alice” I like it because it is based off a true story and it is tragic.

Personally does a sad book with a sad ending, or a sad book with a happy ending appeal more???? Now really you can leave your answer. I am trying to let others know that there is a possibility for a better life, but maybe some people would need to be scared straight.

I know I am not anyone that anyone knows. I know that I am just me, just one ant. But I have been contemplating this for a couple years and now it is constantly on my mind.

With regards to maybe hurting some feelings when I write this, I do not want to. I am over my past I am not angry or resentful towards anyone. I feel that my past has made me who I am today and I am starting to like myself, finally. But with that being said does it make sense to attempt to change someone’s course if they would come out a stronger person, or is not worth the risk that they may not make it out the other side?

With our youngest about to head off to kindergarten I think that I may have some time available to actual think and hopefully be productive with this project, but until then I will have to stick with my if I’m lucky 2o minutes to write a post.

Thank you for letting me share….

So I thought about it…. and I am done!

Well I am over it. I am done with my negative: self talk and talk of others, self pity and most important I am done with other’s opinions of me. Well not you of course :). I have spent too many sleepless nights and too much time in my head about some things, and not enough time on my positives. I am a true believer that you can only be a good as you let yourself be. If I spend any more time worrying about things or people outside of my immediate family than I am wasting my time, my breath, and most of all I am missing out on precious memories.

So thank you Lord for my blessings, and thank you Lord most of all for my husband and our handsome amazing boys!

I also have to thank the Lord for my obstacles and past road traveled before I was feeling so blessed. This may sound crazy to some, to be thankful for hard times, to be thankful for the storms in our lives might sound crazy. If we can not look through the clouds and see the sun then we are not living right. If you are in a tunnel and can not see the end, that is human, but being able to know that there is an end is having faith. Now knowing you should have faith and saying that you have faith are completely different then living with faith. Living with faith is to live with your eyes wide open and to be open to all possibilities. Just because we have a certain plan or road map for our own lives does mean that everything will go our way. With that being said we need to take these detours with stride and to know that everything will be alright.

Now back to why I am thankful for hard times, for when I was going through my hard times I did not have any faith I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I will only say hard times (those times are for another time) to shorten my story. Then I learned the error of my ways and now I am now a stronger person, I now know that there is a light and that only I can dim it, which would be foolish, but for me stressing and carrying on about some trivial things and people in my life is only dimming my light. I have been worrying myself to almost a destructive point in my life. Like I said at the beginning I am done with that.

I remember I do have faith, I do have trust in GOD that if I am in any situation this very day or month that I will get through it! I will get through it stronger than I was before, now I can not be sure that others will get through it with me. But when it comes to faith and God we know that he knows best and I believe that with all my heart.

So please do not be as I was, do not be foolish to take life for granted and to think that we have precious time to waste on foolish people or objects. Life is too short; however I do look forward to my day with Jesus, but right now in this moment, I look forward to my days with my children and to spend time with people whom I love and that love me too.

James 5:7-10
“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”

This is what I needed to hear, to get a straight head on for another week.
Thank you for letting me share…

This is how I feel!

I like this blog and I love that I can express my feelings and thoughts to the “sphere” as I call the internet. What I really like that I can have a honest opinion. I know that one day I may end up with some actual comments and some of those comments may not agree with me on some of my opinions but never the less I get to have my own opinions and express them. My problem has never been conflict in fact I thrive on it, I love to have to prove my point or in a few cases learn that I am wrong.

However in my real life I am quickly beginning to lose any sense of genuine feelings. I know some people, that have to hear what they want to hear and they have to be able to say what they want to say. I find this fact infuriating. I have never been one to back down (oh no quiet the opposite), but I am learning something about myself and these others as this situation keeps persisting. I am learning about myself that I am not OK with this sort of relationship, and I am also learning that I am not OK with people who are OK with this type of relationship.

I recently gave up Facebook not the first time but I believe the last time. It was not due to the fact that it is addicting and a time warp ( which it is) it was also not due to the fact that I have to deal with selfies and self-absorbed people. It was due to the fact that I am friends with family members who unlike me get to voice opinions.

I deal with others telling me how they think I should act, talk or approach people and even though it hurts I nod and listen to their points, now you might think since I am trying my best to be supportive and polite that they would return the favor and hear me out. Nooooooooooooo. Absolutely not.

Now I am sure that someone can read into this and see that it is taking a lot of creative writing and a lot of beating around the bush to not say what the matter at hand is. Which goes to show that I am still not sure of the amount of privacy, and honestly it is sad that I am afraid to hurt someone’s feelings even though they are continually hurting mine.

I never pimped out my blog, I never linked it, I never really told anyone. Well my husband knows but he couldn’t find it well unless he went on my computer and went into my favorites. HA! So to my few followers thank you. I only do not share my writings because of these facts, and also this is my “Free therapy”. And even though this suppose to be my safe place I can still not bring myself to say what it is that is bothering me.

I have equated my recent behavior to my new but not so new Christian lifestyle. I am trying to do my best and turn the other cheek.. So some may call me weak, sometimes I feel that is what I have been with this situation, but it is only making me a stronger, think before I speak Christian. Also it letting me know how I honestly stand with those who say they love me.