So now she confided in the one she knew would tell. Oh goodness and how did she finally get the attention that she had been struggling to get. She was sent off to rehab for a short few week stay. Wow did it feel comfortable, you would think maybe it would scare her and she would want to straighten out. How is this the first time in her life that she could be surrounded by others who understood her? She made so many fast friends, none lasting but, she felt happy and content.
Then they would have visiting days when family would come with the bells and whistles and the broken apologies. “How did we not know?” they asked. Which she could not answer, because she had the same question.
life
So…???
So I have this great idea that I will write a book. I want to write a book about some things that I have been through to help others know the outcome without having to go through the obstacles. I am noticing that I need to get on the ball. I know someone personally that may be going through some similar things, but yet I do not know how to reach out. Would it be considered overstepping?
I am feeling really drawn to completely it, but I am having the hardest time starting it (go figure). There are so many things to consider: feelings, names, fact/fiction, length, and mostly where to start in my story. Should I go back to childhood to maybe connect some dots to see where I felt compelled to get self destructive or start bam in the middle. There is a book I really like call “Go Ask Alice” I like it because it is based off a true story and it is tragic.
Personally does a sad book with a sad ending, or a sad book with a happy ending appeal more???? Now really you can leave your answer. I am trying to let others know that there is a possibility for a better life, but maybe some people would need to be scared straight.
I know I am not anyone that anyone knows. I know that I am just me, just one ant. But I have been contemplating this for a couple years and now it is constantly on my mind.
With regards to maybe hurting some feelings when I write this, I do not want to. I am over my past I am not angry or resentful towards anyone. I feel that my past has made me who I am today and I am starting to like myself, finally. But with that being said does it make sense to attempt to change someone’s course if they would come out a stronger person, or is not worth the risk that they may not make it out the other side?
With our youngest about to head off to kindergarten I think that I may have some time available to actual think and hopefully be productive with this project, but until then I will have to stick with my if I’m lucky 2o minutes to write a post.
Thank you for letting me share….
So I thought about it…. and I am done!
Well I am over it. I am done with my negative: self talk and talk of others, self pity and most important I am done with other’s opinions of me. Well not you of course :). I have spent too many sleepless nights and too much time in my head about some things, and not enough time on my positives. I am a true believer that you can only be a good as you let yourself be. If I spend any more time worrying about things or people outside of my immediate family than I am wasting my time, my breath, and most of all I am missing out on precious memories.
So thank you Lord for my blessings, and thank you Lord most of all for my husband and our handsome amazing boys!
I also have to thank the Lord for my obstacles and past road traveled before I was feeling so blessed. This may sound crazy to some, to be thankful for hard times, to be thankful for the storms in our lives might sound crazy. If we can not look through the clouds and see the sun then we are not living right. If you are in a tunnel and can not see the end, that is human, but being able to know that there is an end is having faith. Now knowing you should have faith and saying that you have faith are completely different then living with faith. Living with faith is to live with your eyes wide open and to be open to all possibilities. Just because we have a certain plan or road map for our own lives does mean that everything will go our way. With that being said we need to take these detours with stride and to know that everything will be alright.
Now back to why I am thankful for hard times, for when I was going through my hard times I did not have any faith I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I will only say hard times (those times are for another time) to shorten my story. Then I learned the error of my ways and now I am now a stronger person, I now know that there is a light and that only I can dim it, which would be foolish, but for me stressing and carrying on about some trivial things and people in my life is only dimming my light. I have been worrying myself to almost a destructive point in my life. Like I said at the beginning I am done with that.
I remember I do have faith, I do have trust in GOD that if I am in any situation this very day or month that I will get through it! I will get through it stronger than I was before, now I can not be sure that others will get through it with me. But when it comes to faith and God we know that he knows best and I believe that with all my heart.
So please do not be as I was, do not be foolish to take life for granted and to think that we have precious time to waste on foolish people or objects. Life is too short; however I do look forward to my day with Jesus, but right now in this moment, I look forward to my days with my children and to spend time with people whom I love and that love me too.
James 5:7-10
“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”
This is what I needed to hear, to get a straight head on for another week.
Thank you for letting me share…
This is how I feel!
I like this blog and I love that I can express my feelings and thoughts to the “sphere” as I call the internet. What I really like that I can have a honest opinion. I know that one day I may end up with some actual comments and some of those comments may not agree with me on some of my opinions but never the less I get to have my own opinions and express them. My problem has never been conflict in fact I thrive on it, I love to have to prove my point or in a few cases learn that I am wrong.
However in my real life I am quickly beginning to lose any sense of genuine feelings. I know some people, that have to hear what they want to hear and they have to be able to say what they want to say. I find this fact infuriating. I have never been one to back down (oh no quiet the opposite), but I am learning something about myself and these others as this situation keeps persisting. I am learning about myself that I am not OK with this sort of relationship, and I am also learning that I am not OK with people who are OK with this type of relationship.
I recently gave up Facebook not the first time but I believe the last time. It was not due to the fact that it is addicting and a time warp ( which it is) it was also not due to the fact that I have to deal with selfies and self-absorbed people. It was due to the fact that I am friends with family members who unlike me get to voice opinions.
I deal with others telling me how they think I should act, talk or approach people and even though it hurts I nod and listen to their points, now you might think since I am trying my best to be supportive and polite that they would return the favor and hear me out. Nooooooooooooo. Absolutely not.
Now I am sure that someone can read into this and see that it is taking a lot of creative writing and a lot of beating around the bush to not say what the matter at hand is. Which goes to show that I am still not sure of the amount of privacy, and honestly it is sad that I am afraid to hurt someone’s feelings even though they are continually hurting mine.
I never pimped out my blog, I never linked it, I never really told anyone. Well my husband knows but he couldn’t find it well unless he went on my computer and went into my favorites. HA! So to my few followers thank you. I only do not share my writings because of these facts, and also this is my “Free therapy”. And even though this suppose to be my safe place I can still not bring myself to say what it is that is bothering me.
I have equated my recent behavior to my new but not so new Christian lifestyle. I am trying to do my best and turn the other cheek.. So some may call me weak, sometimes I feel that is what I have been with this situation, but it is only making me a stronger, think before I speak Christian. Also it letting me know how I honestly stand with those who say they love me.
Invisible?
Well I had forgot I made this blog until I got my first follower. So well I know that someone may read these. LOL I would first like to apologize for how boring they are. So ya all the stuff I said about finally figuring myself out was total crap. I have come to the conclusion that I am a constant work of improvement. I will never be able to pin point one thing that I would like to do forever. I however can have a list of things that I would like to accomplish. My next journey is that I would like to write a book. BUT who would read that?? I am trying to figure if I should make it fiction or non-fiction. I know I am not a celebrity or person of great worldly importance, so maybe I should just make up characters that could be. I have however had a pretty hard, eventful life, well at least up until now. Now I am just a boring happy housewife and mother. I will say that it is a lot easier to write about dark depressing moments of life, it’s hard to write about sunshine and rainbows, guess that could be a children’s book.
I want to include a poem I wrote about ten years ago, I edited it just a few lines, I want it to be the intro to the book that I may one day write:
Toss and turn
Crash and burn
Live and learn
Cry and yearn
Swift and sweet
Carry my feet
Bring me to a place
With a warm bright face
Touch the stars in the sky
A place where I can longer cry
Too much sun and too bright
Too much love to feel fright
A place far away from here
Put the salt from my tears
Screams from my fears
Into the depths of the seas
Up unto the tallest of trees
Put the pain from my heart
Into splashes of art
To make life feel able
To write my story as a fable
I want to write a story to let people know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you spend your life digging yourself into a hole, that it is possible to make a new way out.
Now I will find a put some incredibly cute pictures up so that I can create more buzz. 🙂
Free therapy 